Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
