i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
