Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
