dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
