I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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