I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
