I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
