I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
