Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
