you lied. pity sex is amazing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
