i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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