I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im part way to drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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