And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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