Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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