Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
