He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
