What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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