I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
