Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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