I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
