I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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