You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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