One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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