I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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