it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
