Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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