just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
