At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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