saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need a beard to bite.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
