So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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