I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
