I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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