One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
