I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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