He is such a slut. More and more my type.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
