white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
