i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
