Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
