I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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