he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
