my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
