why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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