About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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