If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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