dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
