In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Randomize
