He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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