Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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