Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Come on in and take your pants off
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