so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
