is your mom at the bar?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
