If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
