im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
