sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
