my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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