True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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